Boxers
by Little Nemo
Summary: In which Tsuna's numerous boxers are discussed and betted on and everyone wants to know: how many boxers does Tsuna own? Things quickly derail from there.


A/N: On LJ, Silverymare gave me the prompt "Tsuna and his many boxers". And from that, this was born. Pretend this is set around five or six years later and Mukuro had been released from the Vendice after Tsuna fought for his freedom.

Be prepared for crack.

Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

xxx

There had been some sort of running bet in the Vongola now as to how many boxers Sawada Tsunayoshi owned and how much he had spent on all of them(before then, it was a bet on "boxers" or "briefs" which was a no brainer and finished up pretty quickly). From what his closest family members had remembered in their youth, they had never seen their boss wear the same pair more than once. Considering how often their boss spent his time in his boxers throughout his teenage years, that meant that Sawada Tsunayoshi owned quite a collection.

Many had attempted various means to catch him wearing the same pair more than once( the results of these various attempts included:"HIIIE! ONII-SAN, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL MY PANTS OFF?!" "HAHA, SORRY SAWADA. I JUST NEEDED TO SEE IF YOU WERE BEING EXTREME TODAY." "WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN BY THAT!?" and "YAMAMOTO?!" "Sorry Tsuna! I guess I took a wrong turn!" "INTO MY SHOWER?!" as well as "...Gokudera-kun, why are you stalking me? Today is suppose to be your day off." "JUUDAIME YOU MUST NEVER BE ALONE!" "...but I'm only going shopping and I have Chrome with me!"). The most recent and most popular method had involved buying a dying will bullet off Reborn and shooting their boss with it(much to Gokudera's horror). Tsuna had caught on after the third time and since then, his dying will had been "TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF REBORN!"

He hadn't suceeded quite yet and ended up getting the shit being beaten out of himself instead ("Dame Tsuna still has a lot to learn."). Many had privately confessed that the latest method wasn't so much about keeping track of Tsuna's numerous boxers but rather, they just wanted to see their beloved boss half naked("Tsuna," Haru had declared after drinking a little too much, "is really, really hot. I mean, look at those abs. He should run around half naked more often, don't you think?". Others were in agreement. "Those legs and those arms," another girl had gushed). Much to Tsuna's relief, the incidents where he had reverted back to running around half naked were an intensely private family matter and rival families hadn't heard a peep about it. He just wished they'd get over their obsession with his boxers soon.

The only ones out of the Vongola's inner circle not to attempt anything were Hibari(who didn't care about such stupid things), Chrome, Reborn(who probably already knew and just wasn't telling anyone but he didn't count because he also supplied the means for others to do so while earning quite a pretty penny from it) and strangely enough, Mukuro(which was odd, as he never gave up any other opportunity to mortify Tsuna before. When confronted about it, Mukuro had merely laughed "those childish games are beneath me" and eyed Tsuna's backside with a leer. Understandably, everyone was more than a little suspicious but before they could interrogate him Lambo had managed to catch himself on fire and was clinging to Tsuna for dear life and everyone panicked as they tried to pry the burning boy off their boss).

"Haha, I bet he only owns 10 boxers. One for each day of the week and three spares, just in case. We just don't remember what they were because he only ever ran around in his boxers once a week and by the time the tenth week was up, we couldn't keep track of them anymore," Yamamoto had laughed. Gokudera had whacked him over the head with a rolled up magazine and replied,

"Don't underestimate my memory, baseball idiot - I'm telling you, the Tenth has a lot more boxers than that. I would remember if he wore the same ones more than once - and he never has."

Lambo had looked up from his breakfast and groaned, "Why are we talking about Tsuna's boxers, stupidera? Everyone knows he probably has a bajillion! I know for sure, I was looking through his underwear draw once and-"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Gokudera had roared, lunging for Lambo's neck. "YOU STUPID PERVERTED COW, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, LOOKING THROUGH THE TENTH'S UNDERWEAR!? I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Maa, maa, it's not as if the rest of us haven't done anything worse, Gokudera," Yamamoto laughed again, attempting to calm down his aggravated friend.

Ryohei had chosen that moment to storm in to the kitchen, breaking the doors right off their hinges. Yamamoto made a mental note to inform Tsuna about the latest damages to the mansion.

"I HAVE EXTREME NEWS FOR YOU ALL!" He announced cheerily. Yamamoto stopped his attempts at calming Gokudera down and looked up.

"Oh? What is it, senpai?" Ryohei paused.

"I EXTREMELY FORGOT!" Ignoring Gokudera's mutterings about "you always forget you stupid fucking moron", he pulled out a sheet of paper from his pocket. Deciding his attempt to kill Lambo could wait until later, he settled back into his seat to listen. Lambo took this chance to hide behind Yamamoto who, while way too scary when playing baseball, would protect him if Gokudera tried to kill him again.

"But not to worry! I wrote it down this time!" Coughing, he made himself comfortable as he read out the message.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi currently owns 12 pairs of boxers-"

Yamamoto grinned. "YES! I was closest with ten, pay up!" There were grumbles as Ryohei and Gokudera handed over their money before Ryohei continued reading. Ryohei had hoped that he had been the closest with 100, since everyone else was sure to make EXTREME guesses too, but apparently, he had been wrong.

"-but! According to Miura, every month or so, Sawada goes out to buy another twelve pairs but he never seems to gain any more than that!"

Everyone stared.

"But if he buys another twelve pairs every month or so, he should have around 144 by the end of the year," Gokudera replied, looking confused. "And even then, we don't know how many years he has spent buying them every month."

"YES!" Ryohei boomed. "EXTREMELY GOOD CALCULATIONS, OCTOPUS HEAD!-("It's simple maths," Gokudera scoffed in disgust)- BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE. ACCORDING TO A MAID, IT SEEMS LIKE SAWADA THROWS A PAIR OF HIS BOXERS INTO THE BIN EVERY NOW AND THEN! AND THEY ARE ALWAYS TORN UP IN EXTREME WAYS."

He took another glance at his sheet. "And apparently, the last time Sawada had thrown away a pair of his boxers- which were ripped in half by the way- it was last Thursday. I don't know what Sawada does for training, but it must be very extreme if his boxers are in that state."

"Hey, last Thursday...didn't he meet with Mukuro then?" Yamamoto mused. He then laughed for the third or fourth or fifth time that morning.

"Maybe he's engaging with wild kinky sex with Mukuro and each time, Mukuro rips his boxers off! Makes sense why Mukuro has never been interested in the amount of boxers Tsuna owns- he's seen them all and ripped them off personally!"

There was a dull thud.

"Stupidera fainted," Lambo announced. "And what's wild kinky sex? Is it some sort of game?" Lambo's eyes lit up. "Can we play it?"

Ryohei made a strangled noise.

Yamamoto spluttered and laughed nervously, giving a sidewards glance towards Ryohei begging for help through his eyes. Seeing that he would not be rescued by the boxer who seemed very interested in the ceiling("those cracks in the ceiling...very extreme aren't they?" Ryohei was muttering), he figured the best course of action was to say nothing on the subject.

"Uh, sorry kid, but we can't. Tsuna would be mad if we did."

"Why not? Tsuna's a stick in the mud! I'm a guardian, I should be allowed to know and play," Lambo whined. Then he gasped. "TSUNA'S BEING STINGY ISN'T HE?! He just doesn't want me to play because he knows I'll beat him!"

Yamamoto made a strangled noise, torn between laughing like mad or banging his head against the table in a Tsuna-esque action.

"No, uh, it's not that. Haha...we'll tell you when you're...uh...at least sixteen," Yamamoto replied, scratching his cheek nervously. Lambo sulked and turned towards Ryohei.

"Well, since stupid Yamamoto isn't going to tell me, nii-san, what's wild kinky sex and how can I play it?" Lambo demanded. Ryohei ignored him with extreme use of willpower.

"THAT PINEAPPLE BASTARD. I'LL RIP HIM INTO PIECES!" Gokudera roared suddenly as he came back to life. Lighting up his ring, he tore down the hallway, pulling out his Vongola box and his sticks of dynamite, leaving disaster zones in his wake. His cry of "HOW DARE HE SOIL JUUDAIME'S PURITY" echoed down the hallway. Everyone stared.

Yamamoto grinned nervously and turned towards Ryohei.

("Hello~?" Lambo huffed. "Answer me!" Yamamoto not so discretely knocked the younger boy out to silence any more awkward questions. Tsuna could deal with Lambo later.)

"So who's going to tell Tsuna to stop Gokudera and Mukuro from blowing up the mansion?" He didn't exactly want to be the one to explain to Tsuna that his joke about him and Mukuro was the current reason Gokudera was howling for Mukuro's blood.

Lost for words for once, Ryohei could only shrug.


End file.
